When I was a freshman in college and a new member of Alpha Omicron Pi I was learning about some of my older sisters. In doing so, one of them shared with me her favorite quote.
"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." -- Albert Camus
I loved it so much that I used it as MY favorite quote from that moment forward. And as new AOIIs came through the chapter I shared with them this quote. I believe that it is only in our darkest hours that we truly see ourselves for who we are at the core and embrace the beauty that lies within each of us.
As we dined over fajitas and enchiladas, Jennifer and I spoke of our survival with cancer. Jennifer is still undergoing chemotherapy and has an indescribable passion about life and helping other women facing breast cancer. I listened as she recounted her story and the traumatic experiences, like losing her hair. She and I both agreed that losing our long, beautiful hair was one of the most difficult parts of the journey. We were planning our hairstyles while we grow our locks back out and discussing how many years we think it will take to get it back to the length it was pre-cancer. We thought three to four years seemed about right.
Jennifer and I had only spoken over e-mail and this was the first time we had met face-to-face. After a lunch that lasted over four hours, we were old friends. We talked about the most personal of topics, including intimacy after a mastectomy, weight gain from steroids (holy bloating!) and even our inner most fears about the cancer returning. (I even give myself daily breast exams even though I know I don't have breasts anymore.) However, our conversation wasn't all consumed with the horrible aspects of our cancer. Instead we continued to say, "Cancer is the best thing that has ever happened to me."
I know, it seems like such a strange sentiment, but with all my heart, it's true. Jennifer spoke about how she would drive in the car with her children while on the phone with her friends. She realized that no one was getting 100% of Jennifer's time. This disease has afforded her the opportunity to re-evaluate her life and put her priorities back into place. She is more present in the moment. She believes that cancer has made her a better daughter, mother, wife and friend.
I shared with Jennifer that I have taken a step back and really looked at my life. What do I want? I feel as though I have been given another opportunity at living my life and I am so excited about what's to come. I still have so much growth work, but who doesn't? Instead of following a timeline set by society, I am taking the yellow brick road less traveled (thanks Jana) and enjoying my journey … wherever it may lead. I have never felt more centered in who I am and what I deserve. I am genuinely happy.
My journey is far from over and just because my reconstruction ends in February/March it doesn't mean that cancer is no longer a part of my story. The depths of winter have unveiled an invincible summer that will guide me in helping other women who face this same journey. Because like Jennifer, I can show them that cancer can be the best thing to happen to them, too.
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