10/21/2009: Saddle Bags?

*deep breath* I rolled the piece of gum in my mouth into a ball with my tongue and pressed it against the inside of my top molars. *deep breath* I walked across the room barefoot and breathed in the smell of the stinging alcohol in the antibacterial hand sanitizer. *deep breath* I reached the pastel pink wall where the sun rays danced along the scuffed surface. *deep breath* I turned my back to the wall, looked straight ahead and dropped my medical gown to my wrists. *exhale*

Dr. Nahabedian and his medical assistant Michael spoke to one another in excitement as they reviewed their “work” from my surgery in May. They have never seen an S-Gap procedure long-term and are pleased with my amazing progress. I shared with them that now that my breast has settled I have a dent that runs horizontally across the top of the left breast.

I stood in front of my surgeon and his assistant in my black and white striped panties (which have been coined my “breakout” underwear since I wear them every time I get out of the hospital). They proceeded to pinch my stomach and thighs looking for fat that they can use to transplant into the dent. It is called fat grafting. Dr. Nahabedian ran his finger in a circle around the outside of my thigh.

“You have a little saddle bag we can use.”
“Do you know how offensive that is to say to a woman?”

Dr. Nahabedian laughed and Michael looked very apologetic. (Michael takes everything super serious and doesn’t really get my sarcasm.) Dr. Nahabedian told me to think of fat grafting as a mini liposuction. I basically can choose different places on my body to have him suck out fat, like my (ahem!) saddle bags and that fat will be transferred into the dent in the breast. Amazing process! I was told that I am not allowed to lose any more weight since I am now a whopping 100 pounds. Dr. Nahabedian said he would actually love if I could gain a couple of pounds prior to surgery.

I am having surgery on November 19.

I am told that your body reabsorbs 50 percent of the fat that is transplanted, so sometimes you have to have this procedure twice. (Hopefully mine is a one-time deal.) At the same time that I have my mini liposuction/fat grafting, Dr. Nahabedian is also doing nipple reconstruction. I should get more details in the coming weeks which I will share with you all as I have every other step of the process.

My friends have asked if I am excited or nervous about the upcoming surgery and honestly, I am indifferent. After each surgery I go through a difficult phase of coming to terms with my body again and making peace with the changes – and it is emotionally and physically exhausting. I know I am moving in a positive direction, but it is still hard. The journey continues ...