"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" I screamed in the phone. My mother's voice responded in sheer panic as she listened to me going ballistic on Saturday morning. "What's the matter? Are you okay? What happened?" she said flustered. "I started my period!" I exclaimed. The tears rolled down my face as I jumped up and down on my mattress. Ah yes, the tiny victories...
I had been sick all last week with horrible stomach pain, vomiting, loss of appetite, pure bitchiness (which wasn't too abnormal, haha)... and I was absolutely perplexed as to what was wrong. But everything became clear Saturday morning when I awoke to the lovely visit of "aunt flow" who had been missing since chemotherapy began. Some women never have their period return after chemotherapy and stay in a state of menopause for the remainder of their lives. Other women take 6 months to 2 years for it to return ... for me, it only took 2 months after I had finished chemotherapy. My body is absolutely amazing and it isn't going to go dormant without a serious fight. Thata girl! The fact that my period returned means that my body is resuming a healthy state and that my fertility may have been saved. Now, I am sure I won't be on a normal schedule for awhile, but at least my body is fighting hard, and that is great news!
This morning I had my first radiation treatment. Many people have already asked me what it was like and I will try my best to describe it.
I was very anxious this morning arriving at the radiological oncologist office and my Mom had not arrived yet (due to horrible traffic) to see me before treatment. I started getting nervous, so I reached into my purse and withdrew my little bear. My mother and I have little breast cancer bears that keep us connected when we are not physically together. The bears are named Hope and Faith and I would take my bear to chemotherapy when my mother would have to work.
When my name was called over the loudspeaker I took a deep breath, clutched my bear in my hand and walked through the door. I was ushered back into a small changing room. I undressed from the waist up, locked up my clothing and purse in a locker, put on a robe and sat in a smaller waiting area for the technician to come get me. I still had my little bear in hand. Part of me was pretending that I was going to get a hot stone massage or facial. Mmm ... that would have been a wonderful treat! Once in the treatment room, I sat my bear on the ledge with my locker key around its neck. I unrobed, laid on a slender table, and the technicians (there were two) put my arm, wrist, shoulder and head into the proper position.
The machine that is attached to the table is shaped like a 'C' with two round plates on each side. The lights dimmed and the machine sprayed a green grid across my chest. I could watch the grid's reflection on the glass face of the plate above me. The technicians pulled on the sheet underneath me to put me in just the right position. They used the stickers that were placed on my skin last week as markers for the green grid. Dr. Moulds entered the room prior to beginning the radiation to give the final "line-up" his approval. We were given the go ahead.
The technician soaked a towel in warm water and molded it to my breast. She explained that they fool the lasers into thinking that the towel is skin, so it penetrates the tissue deeper. I wasn't even listening to her. My heart was racing and I tried desperately to slow my breathing. All I could think was 'What if I am breathing too hard and they radiate my heart by accident?' They exited the room, I glanced to check on my bear saying a little message to my Mom and radiation began. Inside the plate metal pieces moved shifting and contorting into different shapes shining light onto my breast. The noises the machine made sounded like a robot over the big band music they were playing in the room. What was with the music choice? I thought to myself, 'Joey would love this machine because it reminds me so much of Transformers.' The technician came into the room and removed the wet towel which had turned cool now. The machine then circled around me and began radiating my back. Radiation only lasted about five minutes and the 'C' moved around my body as the shapes continued to change and dance across my skin. You know the feeling you get right before a limb falls asleep, like a numb/vibrating/tingling feeling before it starts getting intense? That's how radiation feels ... a mild case of a limb falling asleep.
Before I knew it, radiation was over, I was back in the small room getting dressed, joining my mom in the waiting area (showing her that I braved the treatment with my bear and knowing that she was right there with me) and heading off to work. Well, one radiation treatment down and 29 to go. I know that radiation is cumulative and that it will get harder, but I feel like nothing can stop me now. With God as my compass and my little bear, I am ready for anything.
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