Having just been "filled to capacity" my friend was enquiring about how my newly inflated left breast looked. (Just a reminder, my plastic surgeon could only fill my left breast due to the need of radiating the center of my chest.) We snuck into the bathroom and once inside the handicap stall I lifted my shirt revealing my newly stretched breast. "Holy crap, Jen, that's huge!" she said. "I know, right? Look at it from the side." I turned showing her my newly defined profile. "I cannot believe how great it looks," she responded. "You can feel it if you want," I offered. She raised her hand, and then drew it back in hesitation, and then she lifted her hand again and touched my breast. "Oh my God, it's hard as a brick. It doesn't feel like my other girl friends that have had implants," she said. We both laughed and I explained that it was "brick-like" because the expanders are made with hard, thick plastic unlike the final silicone implant that will be squishy and breast-like. Not only that, but my skin had just been stretched an hour before so everything was extremely tight and sore. I then took my friend's hand and pressed it against the side of my right breast that hadn't been filled. I felt the implant ripple under my skin and pop in and out. She quickly jerked her hand back and said, "What was that?" I think she was worried that she had hurt me. I laughed and told her that's what the implant feels like when it hasn't been completely filled. When I roll over in my sleep at night the implant that hasn't been filled dips and pops continuously ... it is the weirdest feeling in the world.
I think more than a dozen people have been privy to checking out my "transitional pair." I consider it a learning experience for my family and close friends. They have had to experience and endure a lot of this journey with me and I want them to know that I am really okay. Most people are surprised with how good my "transitional pair" looks. I think we all expected it to be much worse than it is and they really do look good.
Although being lopsided is not ideal, it is just temporary and not the end of the world. I have learned how to work around it and no one else can tell besides me, anyway. It is just not that important in the scope of things. I need to get through this third phase of my journey, and then I will be evened back out again. I look forward to that, but I am not obsessing about it. I finally feel like the old (but improved) Jennifer is resurfacing and I really must admit that I have missed her.
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