Is it possible to have a day that you feel absolutely miraculous followed by a day that just the effort of breathing leaves you frozen and wincing? Unfortunately it is possible and this is how my last two days have progressed.
Monday was one of the best days I have had during my recovery. I woke in the morning in good spirits. I was, however, without my parents since they took our new puppy, Abagail Marie to the vet for a meet and greet. Their absence threw me into a full-on panic attack. I realize how dependent I have become on them in so many ways. Once they arrived home, my mother and I drove to my plastic surgeon's office at Reston Hospital to have my dressings changed over my drains. The ride was a little rough for me, but I clutched my pink pillow to my chest and yelped over a couple of big bumps. On arrival, to my surprise, Candi (my doctor's assistant) told me that although it has not even been a week since my surgery, two of my drains were below 30cc and could be removed. This consisted of taking a deep breath once she counted to three and then blowing out as she yanked the tubes free from my skin. It was not painful, but very uncomfortable. I wasn't sure what to expect and my anxiety was at an all-time high, but I figured if I could survive 18 weeks of chemotherapy, I could handle tubes being pulled out of my skin. They placed band aids over the holes left by the tubes and sent me on my way. (Today the holes are the size of a pen top.) Two tubes down and three to go now … yay!
Today was the worst day since my surgery. I started weaning myself off of my pain pills simply because I hate taking them. Then I spent the majority of the night sleeping on my left side. When I woke up at 4:00am I could barely take a breath or move. I took half a Percacet and went back to bed. When I awoke again at 7:30am the pain was excruciating along the base of my left breast. I called my Mom into my room and sobbed and whimpered hysterically. (The look of helplessness on her face just crushed me. She barely ate the rest of the day.) I took a full pill which didn't even seem to take the edge off the pain. I couldn't find a comfortable position. I didn't want to eat because I was nauseous from the severe pain.
The worst part was, my poor friend Andrew spent the day with me and I was definitely not fun to hangout with. We had plans to venture out of the house and possibly see and movie, and instead he was stuck laying on the couch playing with Abagail and watching Animal Planet. He didn't complain a bit though, because he is just that good of a guy.
Was the pain due to the removal of the two tubes the day before? The bumpy ride to the hospital? Sleeping on my left side? The new camisole I wore to bed with less support? Cutting back on my pain medication? Ugggh … whatever the culprit, the pain was beyond agonizing. I upped the pain pills to two, took a muscle relaxer, a warm sponge bath, ate a little dinner and the excruciating pressure and pain became much more manageable.
I have to keep reminding myself that my body has been through a major surgery and I will have both good days and bad days. Hopefully more good then bad though. My spirits are high and my nurses are shocked at how quickly my body is healing itself. I think it's due to the walks with Abagail, my multi-vitamin, being in good physical shape and lots and LOTS of vitamin C. (Apparently vitamin C is known for helping skin and tissue.) You just wait … I will be back to myself in no time. Please keep the warm thoughts, love and prayers coming. My family and I are incredibly grateful for all of your endless support.
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