Well, tomorrow is the big day and I would be lying if I didn't say that I am scared. I allowed myself to feel the anxiety of the situation (as suggested by my best friend, Kere) and I cried myself to sleep last night. But, I really did need that. Today is a new day and although I am still nervous about the unknown, I am ready to start the fight, officially. I have put behind all the "Why me's?" and the "I don't deserve this" spouts and have fully accepted what is happening ... and it really is OK (as Mom always says ... my ROCK).
I took my first round of medications this morning to prepare for chemotherapy and let me tell you, OH MY ... holy side effects. I took Decadron and have to take it twice a day for three days. If you have taken this medication before, then you know what I am talking about. I feel like I have had six caffeine pills. If you have spoken with me today, then forgive me for my quick speech and run-on sentences. I feel like the energizer bunny! And I get to take another round tonight, so no shut eye for me. (Nothing new in that department.) My condo is going to be SO clean by the end of this whole ordeal. One VP here at work suggested I come to her home and entertain her two-year-old daughter with my energy since she doesn't sleep at night, too. This masters thesis is going to get done in no time!
On that topic, I applied for graduation this week and sent in all my paperwork. (This was a huge feat for me. I am really proud of myself!) I have exceeded the necessary credits and am dead-set on completing my masters degree this time next year (defense and all). My adviser thinks I am completely nuts (which is true), but she told me that I am ahead of the other students in the program, so more power to me. My professors know about my breast cancer and have offered an adjusted schedule for me. I thanked them and let them know that if I felt it needed to come to that, then we would discuss it at that point, but not until then. Life plays out normally as far as I am concerned. No use in crawling under the covers and taking three months off from living.
Strangely enough, I have several friends who are now going through biopsies and awaiting cancer results. They have reached out to me for support, so I have decided to document everything that I am going through in both a journalistic and pictorial format and create a website of my journey to hopefully help others. (Actually, Kere is the one creating the website for me.) It will show the good, the bad and the bald. I have been speaking to a local girl who went to UVA and was diagnosed at the age of 25 with breast cancer. She has been an amazing resource. She has a page also (www.jaminelson.com) and told me how therapeutic it is for her to share her story. She and I are a lot alike. I will certainly let you know when the website goes live so you can follow my journey if you'd like. (Or just come for the drama -- see me go nuts cutting my hair like Britney Spears. Kere, you will be taking the pictures. Prepare yourself for my insanity!) I promise it won't be all tears ... that's just not me. This whole thing is an adventure and does not consume my life ... it is only a small part of it! My friend James told me a year from now I will be telling people at parties that I survived breast cancer simply for shock value.
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