Monday, March 24, 2008

3/24/2008: Remembering Carly Anne

I am convinced that God is testing me. I am standing at the edge of my life and am being taunted to jump.

Today my parents had to put my beloved Yorkshire terrier, Carly Anne, to sleep. She has been battling diabetes, blindness and a horrible bacterial infection at the ripe age of eight. The vets said she had fluid around her lungs and heart and believed Carly was now battling pancreatic cancer. They said she was trying to be "good" for our benefit, but was VERY sick and there was nothing more we could do for her. Why is my family being tested? People say God only gives you as much as he believes you can handle, but can't he find someone else to pick on? I know that sounds horrible and that I shouldn't talk that way, but I'm a blunt person and that's how I feel. Must my faith be tested with my health now? All I ask is for a year with no severe illness, injury, heart break or loss of loved ones. Is that too much to ask? It just seems like my family can NEVER get a break. I used to think we were faced with these challenges because of our unwavering spirituality, strength and ability to think positively about all obstacles that came our way, but I'm not so sure anymore. I am being tested and I DON'T like it!

Carly Anne was born May 1, 2000 and was my high school graduation present. I knew I wanted a little girl Yorkshire terrier. Dad and I went out to Gainesville to see a litter of puppies. I immediately picked up a puppy, and after falling in love with it, I turned it over and noticed I had selected a boy. Just my luck! A tiny Yorkie jumped on the side of the fence beckoning my Dad to look at her. He picked her up and she batted those long lashes and tucked her head under his chin. The rest was history. From that moment on ... she was grand-daddy's girl. We brought her home, wrapped in a towel, and placed her on the garage floor to meet her gaham-mama and Uncle Joe. She lived a splendid and spoiled eight years on Earth and loved everyone who entered our home unconditionally. Now she is frollicking in Heaven's fields as a young, healthy puppy throwing her stuffed monkey into the fresh, crisp air. And we shall meet again in due time ... although that monkey won't last a week, I'm sure of that.

"People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" Four-year-old Shane continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

It is pointless to even tell you how I feel today ... I think you can tell, today is not a good day. My heart is broken.

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