4/30/2008: My Core

I've reached a very important pinnacle in my life … one that I am finally able to express.

I spent time this week reconnecting with a dear friend of mine. I have changed so much internally over the last three months, yet I have not actually been able to wrap my head around it and truly express it, until he and I spoke. He has always been the kind of person who simply "gets" me and understands me to the core of the person I am. He never passes judgment, or points out fault … he embraces me for the person I am, totally and completely. It was one of the most profound conversations I have had in a long time.

Having cancer has been the greatest gift. I do not wish for a moment that I was not faced with this. I have been taken on a spiritual journey that has been challenging, satisfying, eye-opening, scary, profound, clarifying and cleansing. I am renewed. I have started to take a really hard look at my life, past the surface of the day-to-day conversations and routines, to truly see how I can continue my growth work and enrich my life. I want and deserve better than what I am currently settling for … we all do.

My dear friend has also been on a spiritual journey over the past few months that has changed him. I am so incredibly happy for him. I was in awe of the peacefulness he embodied and the balance he had acquired in his mind, body and soul. It was so nice to truly open myself up to him with no reservation and in the most honest of ways share my inner thoughts and feelings. So often we close ourselves and operate in this unfulfilling, surfaced world that leads to internal isolation, negativity, resentment and lack of realization and accomplishment.

I have said it before, and I mean it, this experience does not define me and I refuse to look at it in a negative way. I choose to invest my time in bettering myself through life's challenges, helping others, cherishing my fulfilling relationships, eliminating negativity and embracing life to the fullest.

My friend told me "The real core of you is vibrant and rock-solid – you really must have been some kind of warrior in a former life because you certainly are one now." My oncologist calls me Bionic Woman and told me that my Dad being a Marine must have rubbed off on me. My Uncle Ron calls me his Real Trooper. I don't think these are all coincidences. I am a fighter and beating cancer is just the beginning. I have learned the act of patience. I have embraced not being able to control this situation, only my mindset. I have faced my vulnerability and handed myself over to God to guide me. I have never liked me this much before … and it can only get better with a new set of boobs. Haha.

In all seriousness, I challenge you to take a look at your core and start your growth work today. Who is more important than you? Why are we so scared to truly look deep inside ourselves? Demand more from life and eliminate negativity ... free yourself. Make yourself your top priority and make this day one of a new you.