HAPPY APRIL 1st! A new month means I am just that much closer to being healthy!!!
Well, it appears that I survived round three of chemotherapy and am now halfway to the finish line. Lord knows I did not get there without some stumbling and even some dark times along my path. I am just thrilled to actually get to a milestone. YAY!
This treatment has been different then the first two. The severity of the side effects happened sooner, meaning Sunday instead of Monday, and seem to be leaving my body much quicker. My friend Andrew and I seem to believe that it is because all the cancer is dead, so the medication can leave my body a day early. I know, it might seem crazy, but I have to believe this is all working, right? I swear I have never sweated so much in my entire life. First, my body is exhausted so any physical effort causes me to sweat, like brushing my teeth. Second, I think I am sweating out all the medication. Mixing uppers and downers cannot be good for the body. Poor little body needs a vacation!
I am having the same normal aggravations as I typically do after chemotherapy. My body is moving in slow motion. My fingers don't work well … I have little to no feeling in them. My legs shake horribly when I stand. I have frequent muscle spasms. My senses are heightened, especially my hearing. I do not love my morning doves that perch on my balcony these days. My skin is dry and peeling, my mouth sore and swollen … basically, I look REALLY hot. Haha. I don't even care … I just want this all to be over.
Unfortunately, since my side effects came a day sooner, my family had to experience the chemo trance on Sunday that I can typically hide pretty well from them. My Mom urged me to call the doctor, but I explained that what she was seeing was normal. No words can begin to describe the expression of helplessness my family felt just watching me in my daze. Unless you have been through it, how do you begin to understand it? The life is literally sucked right out of your body and every movement takes excruciating effort and precision. But still I am blessed. I can only imagine this is just a fraction of what someone with a physical disability must face every moment of every day. Tomorrow I shall wake up with a little more mobility and life will resume with more clarity. Today, my body is not cooperating and common noises are painful, but life goes on … as will I.
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